ALIEN, GHOST & MONSTER JOKES

ALIENS

• What do you call a spaceship with a faulty air-conditioning unit?
  A frying saucer
  
  
• What do you get if you cross an ex-Popstar with an extra-terrestrial?
  Kym Martian
  
  
• What do aliens wear to posh weddings?
  Space suits
  
  
• What's grey, "mad for it" and lives on Mars?
  Alien Gallagher
  
  
• Did you hear about the man who was captured by extra-terrestrial teddy bears?
  He had a close encounter of the furred kind
  
  
• If Martians live on Mars and Venusians live on Venus , who lives on Pluto ?
  Fleas ( Pluto being Mickey Mouse's dog!)
  
  
• Why is an alien like a collection of famous actors' autographs?
  They've both come from the stars
  
  
• What do you get if you cross a Martian with a golf score?
  A little green bogey
  
  
• What are aliens' favourite sweets?
  Martian-mallows
  
  
• Did you hear about the alien who flew a spaceship from Neptune to Uranus in just 3 minutes and 21 seconds?
  
  He's listed in the Guinness Book Of Out-Of-This-World Records
  
  
• Why don't aliens celebrate Christmas?
  Because they don't like to give away their presence

MONSTERS

• How do monsters tell their future?
  They read their horrorscope
  
  
• Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
  No, they eat the fingers separately
  
  
• What do zombies like to eat at a cook out?
  Halloweenies
  
  
• What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
  Shrinkenstein
  
  
• What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
  A cereal killer
  
  
• Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
  They're too wrapped up in themselves
  
  
• What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
  Dead ends
  
  
• Did you hear about the cannibal boy that was 8 before he was 7?
  
  
• Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
  He was buttering up his teacher
  
  
• What does a cannibal get when he comes home late for dinner?
  The cold shoulder
  
  
• What does a child monster call his parents?
  Mummy and Deady
  
  
• Why did the Cyclops have to close his school?
  He only had one pupil
  
  
• Which monster likes to fly kites in the rain?
  Benjamin Franklinstein
  
  
• What did the mummy say to the detective?
  Let's wrap this case up
  

GHOSTS

• What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
  Booberries
  
  
• What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee?
  A boo boo
  
  
• What is a baby ghost's favorite game?
  Peekaboo
  
  
• What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
  "Do you believe in people?"
  
  
• What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
  Fasten your sheet belts
  
  
• What do ghouls eat for breakfast?
  Ghost toasties with evaporated milk
  
  
• What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?
  A scareplane
  
  
• What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
  Lemon & slime
  
  
• What do you get when you goose a ghost?
  A handful of sheet
  
  
• What kind of car does a ghost drive?
  A Boo-ick
  
  
• What did the mother ghost say to her son?
  Don't spook unless you are spooken to
  
  
• What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
  Sham-boo
  
  
• Why did the ghost pick his nose?
  Because he had boogers
  
  
• What kind of pants do ghosts wear?
  Boojeans
  
  
• Where do fasionable ghosts shop for sheets?
  At bootiques
  
  
• What ride do spirits like best at the amusement park?
  The roller ghoster
  
  
• What do you get when you cross a ghost with an owl?
  Something that scares people and doesn't give a hoot
  
  
• What fairy tale do ghosts like best?
  Sleeping booty
  
  
• What kind of spirits serve food on a plane?
  Airline ghostesses
  
  
• What kinds of ghosts haunt skyscrapers?
  High spirits
  
  
• Where do ghosts go swimming?
  The dead sea
  
  
• What's the difference between a fisherman and a sick ghost?
  One catches his dinner, the other one loses it
  
  
• What did the TV. news reporter say to the ghost?
  Everyone dead! Boos at 11
  
  
• Why is a haunted handkerchief so scary?
  Because it has boogers
  
  
• What kind of footware do ghosts from Texas wear?
  Boots
  
  
• What do you call a dead chicken that likes to scare people?
  A Poultrygeist
  ...