RELIGION & GOD JOKES
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer when all of a sudden he said aloud, "Lord grant me one wish". The sky clouded and a booming voice said, "Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want to."
The Lord answered, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me".
The man thought for a long time and finally said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy?"
After a few minutes God said, "How many lanes did you want on that bridge?"
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Some people talk about finding God, as if He or She could get lost.
Lily Tomlin : "Why is it when we talk to God, we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?"
How do you make God laugh? Say: "This is mine".
This fellow was climbing a tree when suddenly he slipped. He grabbed a branch and was hanging there. After an hour or so passed, he was feeling exhausted. He looked up to the heavens and cried out: "God, help me, please, help me." Suddenly the clouds parted and a deep voice resounded, "Let Go!" The guy paused and looked up at heaven once more, and said: "Is there anyone else up there?"
An atheist complained to a Christian friend, "Christians have their special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter; and Jews celebrate their holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur; Muslims have their holidays. EVERY religion has its holidays. But we atheists," he said, "have no recognized holidays. It's an unfair discrimination." "What do you mean, atheists have no holidays," his friend replied, "People have been observing a special day in your honor for years." "I don't know what you're talking about," the atheist said, "When is this special day honoring atheists?" "April first."
The Queen of England and the Pope are guests of honour at the Annual England vs Ireland Soccer Match. Both are getting right into the feel of things and the Queen leans over to the Pope and says, "I bet I can make all the English People in the crowd cheer wildly with a simple hand gesture." The Pope looks at her disbelievingly, so the Queen does her famous wave and all the English people in the crowd cheer wildly as one. The Pope leans over and says to the Queen, "That was nothing...I bet I can make all of the Irish People in the crowd party wildy for a week with just the nod of my head." The Queens says, "Well that is totally unbelievable - let's see." A split second later the Pope Head butts her......
How did the priest make holy water? He took some tap water and boiled the hell out of it
Where was satan 's son born ? Deathlehem
