NEW AGE JOKES
You might be a New Ager if….
- If you carry crystals on every part of your clothing - Including your belt buckle ! - You might be a New Ager.
- If you REFUSE to go to a job interview because the Feng Shui isn't done just right - You might just be a New Ager.
- If you feel that your illnesses are caused by the tanic possesion, Pranic dissonance, or an imbalance between Yang & Yin - You might just be a New Ager.
- If you believe that God & Jesus pilot a UFO, (& / or Buddha , Krishna , Yahweh, etc.) You might, perchance, just be a New Ager.
- If you buy tickets to a performance by the Blue Man Group, in the hope of seeing a ritual honoring " The Green Man ", OR a preview of the Burning Man Festival - You might just be a New Ager.
- If you name your child Aquarius Moonwind Morningstar Jonathan Livingston Seagull - Perhaps you might be a New Ager. ( & God help you if you name a son that !! )
- If you have a PET named " Karma - Ra - Rainbow Bodhi " - You might very well be a New Ager.
- If you refer to said pet as your " Animal Companion " - You might JUST possibly be a New Ager.
- If you practice Tai Ch'i & drink Chai Tea, ( What the hell, I've done BOTH at different times. ) you could very well be a New Ager.
- If you belief that the characters of Chris the Disc Jockey & Ed, both from the " Northern Exposure " tv show emanate profound philosophical truths - One could likely refer to you as a New Ager, or someone with heavy New Age leanings !
- If you plan your vacations around the Summer & Winter Solstices - WAIT !! That might not be such an altogether bad thing - Or the birthdays / feast days of such luminaries as Buddha or Imhotep, ( Or Anck - Su Namun , Nefertiti , Hildegard of Bingen or Merlin )- you could very well be referred to as a New Ager.
How many Spiritualists does it take to change a light bulb?
None - they prefer to work in the dark!
Meditation
Two good old friends were meeting. "How are you and your family?" asks the one. "Oh we're all fine". The other one answers, "We're all healthy and have work to earn our lives. But how 'bout your son?? is he still workless??" "Not at all", the first one answers, "He's doing meditation now." "Meditation? What's this? What is he doing?" "I don't know it exactly," the first one answers again, "But I'm sure it's better than just sitting down and doing nothing!"
Kundalini Yogi sharpshooter: "Ready, aim, fire!"
Don't just do something -- Sit there!
My karma ran over my dogma....
Elbert Hubbard : "We are punished by our sins, not for them."
Q: How many contemplative monks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the light bulb. One to not change the light bulb. One to neither change nor not change the light bulb.
The enlightened ones have no boundaries, but respect those of others.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Bumper Stickers:
- Never drive faster than your angel can fly!!"
- "I'd rather be in Samadhi"
- "Out of body. Will be back in 15 minutes!"
- "Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
- As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
Meditation - You have the right to remain silent.
Have you heard of the cow who attained liberation (Moksha)? It was dyslexic and kept on repeating OOOOMMM !
Meditating
Two men meet on the street.
One asks the other: "Hi, how are you?"
The other one replies: "I'm fine, thanks."
"And how's your son? Is he still unemployed?"
"Yes, he is. But he is meditating now."
"Meditating? What's that?"
"I don't know. But it's better than sitting around and doing nothing!"....
